Passion-Filled Motivation for Start up Founders

how to win friends and influence people


How to win friends and influence people – Book Summary

18 Oct , 2016  

Author Background

Dale Carnegie was born the 24th of November 1888 and died the 1st November 1955. He was an American writer and lecturer. Moreover, he became famous providing courses in self-improvement, public speaking, interpersonal skills, salesmanship and corporate training.

Book Summary – How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to win friends and influence people is a great book. It teaches you about human relation and how to deal with people. If you are willing to become a team leader, this book is for you.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Those techniques focus on finding what people can gain by giving them what they want. That way you will be able to get what you want.

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Do not tell people with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply. Instead, advise them what to do and the reason why they should do it.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Each person has the desire to be important. So give people honest appreciation. But do not give them appreciations that are exaggerated or that contradict entirely their opinions.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Talk about what they want and show them how to get it. But do not talk about what you want or what you want them to do.

Six ways to make people like you

Those techniques are basic human relations that teach you how to make the other people want to be your friend or simply appreciate spending the time with you.

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people. If you spend a little more of your time to care about people, they will like you, they will be your real friends. By helping others, you might help yourself at the same time.
  2. Smile. A smile is not a hard thing to do, but it can make significant differences. Do not underestimate the power of smiling.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. People notice if you remember their name and indirectly they will take more importance to you because you spend the time to know more about them.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. People are 100 times more interested in themselves than others, so spend time to listen to what they have to say
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Spend the time to learn about topics your guest is interested in, that will make them like you because the person will think that, you and he, both share the same interest.
  6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. Disraeli said: talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours. Talking to people about themselves is a great way to show them how grateful you are to have them around. This will make them more loyal on your friendship.

How to win people to your way of thinking

Those actions help you gain a good first impression from people you do not know well. Simply try to understand their way of thinking and adapt yourself to their behaviors.

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. There is no point on proving a man he is wrong. No argument ends well, even if you win an argument, you still lose because you made that person feel inferior. Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
  2. Never say, “You’re wrong”. The best way to reevaluate someone else judgment is to ask the reasons for his decision. Most of the time, the person will naturally find out that he was wrong but he will not feel any anger against you if you asked friendly questions.
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. There is no point to defend yourself when you are wrong, admit it. That way, the other person will be unable to prove you that you are wrong and will respect you for taking that proactive step.
  4. Begin in a friendly way. Instead of arguing when someone has done something wrong, spend the time to bring them a positive feedback and then let them know about your concerns. Doing so and you will get taken care of.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Ask the other person several questions where he has no other way than saying yes. That will make him feel positive and indirectly have an impact on his decision. If that person starts with no, he will be defensive and will be most likely to say no again.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. The best way to gain people’s attention is to ask them questions about their life or business problems. Let them talk without interruption.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Instead of selling something to the other person or trying to convince him, give some suggestions and give enough information so that the person make his own final decision.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. It is important to not only focus on what you want but as well what the other person wants when it comes to dealing with people. ask yourself: why would he or she want to do it?
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. If you simply understand the other person’s desires and let them know about that. Your own recommendation will be more likely to get their attention. And, people will be more likely to listen to your saying and apply.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives. Instead of getting upset with others, try to convince the other person with some facts that makes a good impression. In other words, try to indirectly get what you want instead of directly telling them what you want.
  11. Dramatize your ideas. Exaggerate your idea by saying to the other person how much the problem you are trying to solve will impact their life. This works if you ask to reimburse a payment, present an idea…
  12. Throw down a challenge. If your team needs to perform well or that you want someone to work on the specific project, start a challenge. That way, your team or the other person will be willing to compete with you or another team in order to win the challenge.

Be a leader: How to change People Without Giving Offence or Arousing Resentment

Those techniques help a manager or a leader to gently give them order without affecting their pride. The goal is to make sure the person can get benefits from listening to you.

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. If a person is not performing well on a specific task, start by saying something positive to that person. Then, suggest that person to review the task until that person is able to do it.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. When you give an advice to that person, even after a praise, do not use ‘but’ to recommend that person what to do, instead use ‘and’. A good example mentioned in the book: ‘We’re really proud of you, Johnnies, for raising your grade this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better’. if you replace ‘But’ by ‘And’, the sentence will look very positive and Johnnie will take that judgment in a good way and will have no doubt on his capabilities.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. It is always easier to tell the other person how many time you have failed something and explain how to overcome that failure. By mentioning your own mistakes first, you can judge the person as you know how hard it is to do it right.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. by asking a question to a person, that person feel like it will make his own decision. If you give orders, people will be less likely to listen as they do not want you to order them to do something. However, if you ask them how to approach the problem they will fell more involved and they will do the job.
  5. Let the other person save face. Even if you have a negative thought against another individual, it is not a good reason to tell him straight that he has not done a good job. Instead, advise him that he is not the only one that did those mistakes. Many other people have done that mistake in the past. Quote from the book: Antoine de Saint-Exupery who once said “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” Praise the slightest improvement and praise every movement.
  6. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise. if you praise someone and you are sincere about it, that will help the person to make improvements. The best way to train a dog is to praise them even for the slightest improvement. Why not using the same technique on humans? You should not expect humans to know everything, but if you encourage them, they will become great at doing something they chose.
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation or live up to. do not threaten people if they have not done the job right. Instead, Tell them how good they have been doing so far and if you can do anything to make them do the right things and try to understand what concern they have inside or outside the work environment.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. when someone is telling you how good you are at doing something, it gives you the energy to spend more time to improve. So, without much effort, that person will get better at what they do.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. This is a summary of a couple of the previous chapters: You should be sincere in all you do and say while never promising anything you can’t deliver. You should also show empathy while asking yourself what the other person really wants. Along those lines, you should also consider the benefits the person will receive from doing what you suggest while matching those benefits to the person’s wants.

How to win friends and influence people is a must read, first of all, it is very easy to read. Secondly, it includes a quote that summarizes each chapter really well. An easy way to remember the main key points of the book.

About alexis

Alexis is passionate about writing content in order to help startup founder to get their business started. Moreover, he is a web developer that love building useful websites.

One Response

  1. […] and influence people “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.” (see book summary) Indeed, the more you listen to what people has to say, the more people think of you as a […]

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